Ohm

Okay, so I was being a bit compelling by saying Karr "betrayed me."  Truth is, I knew well in advance that she would have a religious conversion experience.  She even has a parenthetical disclaimer after one chapter title warning: praying ahead.  For those who don't know, I am one of the god-less heathens who somehow still leads a moral life (whatever that means).  I don't ascribe to any form of theism and spirituality does not sit well with me.  My husband has suggested at times, correctly I must add, that I have no Zen.  While reading about Karr the cynic who attended AA meetings for guidance toward sobriety, not the "let go and let God" message, I found a kindred spirit.  Then she goes "God shopping" with her son, a year-long exercise that takes her in and out of temples and churches of all denominations.  The end result: Catholicism.  Granted, she finds a church on the more social justice end of the Catholic spectrum - a more accepting and less judgmental group, in general - so her slow conversation really isn't a betrayal.  And yet, I started my journey with Karr on a spiritually level ground; now close to the end of our journey together, she is healthier and I am alone.  Yes, I'm leaving out the whole she got sober and stayed dry with the help of prayer and confession bit.  And fortunately, I am not and never have been an alcoholic, so I'm not in serious need of a spiritual mantra to get me through each day, at least not in the same way that Karr did.  Strangely, I did wonder what might happen if I prayed or meditated, focusing my thoughts and energy towards positive goals.  Karr never claims to believe in miracles or answered prayers, yet she prays and a fat grant that was written FOR (not by) her is dropped in her lap.  Or an agent begs her to write a memoir and agrees to publish it.  Or the only literary critic she admires gives her book a favorable review.  Or she's in desperate need of a car and a colleague loans her one while she's on sabbatical. And so on.  Maybe an "Ohm" or two could lead me to publication, a paid writing gig, or a better attitude, who knows.